


Dancing Trough Our House

by fs_hyuck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, M/M, Read at Own Risk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-06-01 00:53:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15131489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fs_hyuck/pseuds/fs_hyuck
Summary: Yuta and Kun always dance through their house, for others it's weird but for them it's their thing, but one thing changes it all.





	Dancing Trough Our House

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so I apologize beforehand for any grammar or spelling mistakes.
> 
> (Also please read at your own risk, if you are not comfortable reading about death I advise you to not read any further.)
> 
> Parts written in italic are flashbacks.

At the sound of birds Yuta opened his eyes, he sat up and looked at the place next to him. It was empty, he threw the blankets off of him and put on his slippers, pushing himself off the bed into standing. He walked out of his room into the hallway, down the stairs, he heard rattling in the kitchen, his heart calmed down at the sight of the person in front of the stove, trying his best to cook.

 

“What’s cooking, good looking?” Yuta said as he leaned on the doorpost with his arms crossed. He winced as the pan clattered onto the ground, the man glared at him.

 

“Could you not scare me next time!” Yuta grinned, he quickly hugged the love of his life and brushed the hair out of the man’s face.

 

“I’m sorry love, it won’t happen again.” He softly swayed them back and forth, “Can we dance?” He muttered while he placed his head on the man’s shoulder.

 

“Yuta.” The person pulled away and made Yuta look at them, “We literally have dance practice in three hours.” 

 

“But Kun~” Yuta whined, “My feet want to dance.” He wiggled his toes, he looked back up at his boyfriend, soon to be fiance but Kun doesn’t know and doesn’t need to know.

 

“Fine.” Kun gave in, Yuta cheered like the little child he is, “But after I made breakfast and we have eaten it.” Kun laughed when Yuta’s smile disappeared in an instant, “You can’t have everything without a cost.” With that, he ushered Yuta out of the kitchen and he didn’t let Yuta back in until breakfast was ready. They ate in peace, here and there an exchange of words but they both were busy eating. After breakfast, Yuta did the dishes and Kun walked out of the kitchen.

 

When Yuta was done with the dishes he walked out of the kitchen, he wanted to go back upstairs but the music stopped him, it was a slow song. He looked through the door of the living room, right into the study, he saw Kun standing there with his back turned to him. He smiled, he walked into the study and Kun turned to him at the sound of creaking wood.

 

“Can I have this dance?” He held out his hand for Yuta to take, Yuta giggle like a lovesick person, which he was, he took Kun’s hand in his and placed his other hand on his lover’s shoulder. Kun put his right hand on Yuta’s waist and off they went, twirling and stepping, just like they learned in ballroom dancing class. They don’t know why they choose the class but they wanted to do something new, the first thing that shot through both of their minds was ballroom dancing. 

 

They went from the study to the living room, Kun spinning Yuta out and back in, laughter filled the house. After a while of dancing through every part of the ground floor, they ended back in the living room, letting themselves fall on top of the couch. 

 

“Hey, Yuta?”

 

“Hmm?” Yuta hummed in response.

 

“Are you there, Yuta?” Kun waved his hand in front of Yuta’s eyes.

 

“Yes, I’m here.” Yuta sat up, Kun continued to wave his hand.

 

“Earth to Yuta? Hello?”

 

“Kun, stop acting weirdly.” He grabbed Kun’s hand to stop him from waving when he blinked the once sunshine filled room had been replaced by a bar in the moonlight. The couch had been changed into barstools and Kun wasn’t there anymore, instead, it was his best friend Taeyong.

 

“Kun?” Taeyong looked at Yuta weirdly, “It’s me, Taeyong.” He pointed to himself with the hand Yuta held, “Kun is on vacation remember? You told me three weeks ago.”

 

“Oh, yeah, right.” Yuta slowly let go of Taeyong’s hand, letting the hand fall into his lap. He hinted the bartender for a shot of Vodka, “Sorry, I probably just daydreamed again, or nightdreamed. It isn’t an actual word but it’s nighttime right now so-” Yuta stopped himself from ranting, he sighed and ran his hand through his hair, turning the barstool to face the counter. He grabbed the shot glass the bartender set in front of him, in one swoop it was gone. “I just miss him a lot, sorry for spacing out.”

 

“It’s fine, mate. You can always talk to me, yeah?” Yuta nodded, Taeyong got off his barstool and laid money down on the counter. “I gotta go right now, Yukhei wanted to go to the movies.” 

 

“Okay, see ya!” He waved at Taeyong, who was already walking towards the doors that led to the street.

 

“Bye! Don’t drink too much!” 

 

“I won’t.” Yuta whispered, feeling a lump form in his throat. A glass of water was placed in front of him, he looked up and made eye contact with the bartender.

 

“So, you are Yuta.” His eyes widened, images flew in front of his view, he began to stutter. Words couldn’t form correctly in his mind, his cheeks were flushed in embarrassment.

 

“S-Si-Sicheng.” Was the only word he could get out, the man behind the bar chuckled.

 

“I know, it’s weird to see me right.” Sicheng gave a shy smile, he grabbed some empty glasses out of the dishwasher, he grabbed the dishcloth from his apron and began drying the glasses. “You told him Kun is on vacation?”

 

“Y-Yeah.” Yuta lowered his head, “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine.” Sicheng reassured Yuta by leaning over the counter and placing his hand on Yuta’s shoulder. “Just don’t let yourself drown.”

 

With that Sicheng walked away, helping other people, Yuta shook his head. He got up and placed some money down, not knowing how much he actually had to pay but knowing he paid too much. He grabbed his jacket from the coat rack and put it on, he looked back one more time and made eye contact again with Sicheng, who nodded a simple ‘bye’ before turning his attention back on cleaning tables. Yuta sighed and walked out of the bar, looking at the moon with sad eyes.

 

The cycle continued, waking up to the same memory, wasting all night in the same bar, going home drunk or tipsy but never sober. Hanging out with friends, talking and getting to know the bartender Sicheng more and more. It continued for months, four to be exact. He learned that Sicheng was best friends with Kun, but they fell out ever since Kun started dating Yuta. He felt guilty that he broke a friendship he knew so little about, it added only more weight on his shoulders. 

 

That night when he went home, he dragged his legs up the stairs without changing in new and fresher clothes he fell onto his bed. On the left side, he always laid on the left side. He kicked off his shoes and threw off his jacket, he then curled into his blanket, breathing in the same smell it held after every washing turn. The sobs could be heard throughout the house, Yuta has never cried this hard before. He hugged the blanket close as his breathing haggard and his chest began to hurt.

 

He let it all out what he had been holding in all those months, it eventually tired him out so much that he had fallen asleep, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

  
  
  


_ “Yuta?” _

 

_ “Yuta??!” _

 

_ He shot up in a cold sweat, he looked around him on his right he found Kun sitting down.  _

 

_ “Calm down, hey, hey.” Kun placed a gentle hand on Yuta’s shoulder, “You had a nightmare, you are fine now.” Yuta sighed he got out of bed and went to the bathroom, Kun followed. He held a cloth underneath the water while Yuta sat on the toilet with the lid down, Kun put the cloth over Yuta’s forehead and gently cleaned the rest of his face, getting rid of the tear stains. _

 

_ “I thought you left me, it felt so real, Kun.” Yuta looked Kun in the eye, fear-stricken eyes that is how Kun would describe Yuta’s eyes on that very moment. _

 

_ “Hey, I’ll never leave. Not without telling you. Or leaving a note.” Kun took Yuta’s face in his hands, he squatted down and kissed his forehead. “It was just a nightmare.” _

  
  


Yuta woke up with a gasp, his chest heavily rising and falling, his breathing irregular. He threw the blankets off of him and he ran to the bathroom, opening the lid of the toilet seat he threw up. His whole body shaking when he finally stopped and pushed the flush button, he felt ill.

 

He tried to get back up with all the strength he could muster, he eventually got to his feet and slowly began walking back to the bedroom. He changed out of his clothes into a sweater and some sweatpants, putting on his slippers again, he picked up his other clothes and threw them into the laundry basket.

 

He then walked down the stairs into the empty kitchen, he sighed it felt like his heart twisted. He opened a cabinet where the coffee cups stood, he took the first one he could get his hands on, there was writing on it. Yuta turned the cup until he could read what was written on it,  _ The best person in the world,  _ it brought that familiar lump in Yuta’s throat back. This is Kun’s coffee mug, he placed it back quickly and grabbed the one next to it.

 

He put it underneath the coffee machine and let it brew, he walked out of the kitchen to the door, which he unlocked and opened it before walking onto the porch, picking up the newspaper and turning back around. He walked back into the house closing the door behind him and heading towards the kitchen, he took his coffee mug in his left hand and walked into the living room where he sat down on the couch.

 

He read the newspaper while drinking his coffee, it was a first that he did this in such a long time, mostly he would just grab his coat and walk to the park, spend his morning there and then go back home.

 

After he finished his coffee he went to the kitchen to clean it up, he then walked into the study, it was a mess, it has been for the past months, finally, Yuta decided to clean it up. He picked up boxes, put away books, going through boxes looking at what he could throw away, his hands brushed passed some fabric. “What is this?” He muttered to himself as he pulled it out from the box, it was purple. He folded it out, it was a shirt with a little black outlined zeppelin on the right side of the chest. “You idiot.” Yuta clutched the shirt against his chest, he found Kun’s favorite shirt, tucked away in some old box.

 

He stood up and twirled around like he was dancing without music and without a partner, stepping forward, backward and from side to side with little steps. He finally got to the stairs and he walked to the first floor normally, shirt still in his hands, he grabbed the laundry basket and threw it in the washing machine, adding the stuff that is needed he pressed the button and the machine began adding water.

 

It was near evening, he changed his clothes, denim jeans and a simple white tee, putting on his leather jacket and grabbing his keys from the desk in the hallway. He opened his door and found Taeyong walking by, “Hey!”

 

“Yuta! I was just about to walk up to your door.” Taeyong smiled, “Wanna grab dinner with me? My pay.” Yuta nodded and he locked his door behind him before joining his best friend. After their dinner, they went to the same bar, Sicheng behind it again.

 

“Same old?”

 

“Same old.” Yuta replied, his hand finding its way to his hair and running through it before he sat down on the same bar stool he always sits at.

 

“So, uh, is Kun already back from vacation?” Taeyong asked carefully, Yuta’s body stiffened up, the last time he had seen Taeyong was months ago, he grabbed the beer bottle that Sicheng has put in front of him.

 

“Yeah, he came back, but he is participating in a workplace switch event. He went back to China and somebody there came here, so now he is working in a daycare there.” Yuta smiled sadly, avoiding Sicheng drilling gaze. 

 

“You must miss him a lot.” Taeyong patted his shoulder in a comforting manner, “I understand, Johnny went on a business trip last month, he would be back in a week or so, but everytime work just piles up or something new comes up and he can learn a lot from it. He promised that he would come back this week.” 

 

“Let’s hope he keeps that promise.” Yuta chuckled, clinking his bottle against Taeyong’s before taking a sip.

 

“When is Kun coming back, from the exchange program?” 

 

“I don’t know, he never told me.”

 

“Oh, okay.” A silence fell upon them, it made Yuta zone out. Thinking back to the day he first saw Kun wearing his favorite shirt.

  
  
  


_ “You’re telling me you don’t know where he went?!” Yuta yelled through the phone. _

 

_ “No! I don’t know! I can’t find him anywhere. He is not at the places you told me to look.” A concerned voice came from the other side of the phone. “What happened anyway?!” _

 

_ “He ran away from something, I don't know what and I am worried, Yukhei.” _

 

_ “Oh, no. He better not be hurting.” With that the line went dead, Yuta looked at his phone and tried to call Yukhei again but no luck.  _

 

_ “Fuck.” Yuta angrily threw his phone on the couch he was sitting on before Yukhei called him, he paced around trying to figure out where Kun had run off to. “The dog park!” Yuta snapped his fingers, finally remembering a place he hasn’t told Yukhei to look. _

 

_ He grabbed his phone together with his keys and hurriedly put on his shoes, he ran out the door and into the direction of the dog park. His years of being in a soccer team finally were put to use, because of it, he could run big distances.  _

 

_ Sweat trickled down his forehead, hair sticking to his skin as he turned right into the park. “Kun?!” He began shouting his boyfriend’s name every now and then until he heard a 'Yuta?!’. _

 

_ His head snapped to the left and his feet came to a stop, his breathing was heavy and his chest hurt a little but it didn't matter. Underneath a tree stood a bench, in front of that bench stood Kun, Yuta smiled and wiped the sweat from his forehead. His legs moved on his own and before he knew his arms were wrapped around the love of his life. _

 

_ “You had me worried sick.” Yuta breathed out, “Please, next time just talk to me.” Yuta pulled back and held onto Kun’s shoulders, who didn’t dare to look at him. Yuta’s gaze fell upon the shirt Kun was wearing, “That is not the shirt you left in.”  _

 

_ Kun chuckled, he held up a plastic bag, a nasty smell came from it. “I bought a new one, better said I got a new one for freeish, a drunk person kinda threw up on me, luckily it only landed on the shirt in my bag but they gave me 50 dollars so that I could buy a new one.” He looked at his new shirt, purple with a little black outlined zeppelin on the right of his chest. “The person will probably regret it in the morning.” He laughed, tears welling up in his eyes, he finally looked at the concerned eyes that belonged to Yuta. _

 

_ Kun pulled Yuta in for a strong hug, the bag dropped to the ground and his hands tangled themselves into Yuta’s shirt. Head on his shoulder sobs racking out from his chest, escaping out of his mouth. Yuta softly stroked Kun’s hair, swaying them back and forth, trying to calm the male down. _

 

_ “Why are you crying? Are you hurting?” Yuta asked carefully, his voice low and soft. _

 

_ “It’s my parents.” Kun could get out the words through the sobbing, “They don’t like us together.” _

 

_ Yuta’s heart broke, but he felt it being ripped out of his chest at the next words that came from Kun’s mouth. _

 

_ “They are neglecting me because I am dating a guy, they always said they were okay with me liking guys but-” He laughed in disbelief, “Suddenly they changed their minds.”  _

 

_ Yuta couldn't come up with the right words, he didn't know what to do but to continue to stroke Kun’s hair in comfort. They stayed like that until Kun stopped crying, he said he was tired and wanted to go home, the house he shared with Yuta. Yuta nodded and walked Kun back to the car he left in, not forgetting the bag with the gross shirt that sadly was Kun’s favorite shirt.  _

 

_ “Throw it away.” Kun said, “I don't want it anymore.” _

 

_ “But it’s your favorite shirt!”  _

 

_ “I don't care about it anymore, throw it away.” They passed a trashcan and Yuta sighed, “This is my new favorite shirt.” Kun convinced Yuta to throw the bag in the trash can, with those few words. _

 

_ “I love you, you know that.” Yuta said out of the blue, “I couldn't live without you, I’ll probably lose my mind and drown.” He joked causing Kun to hit him on the head. _

 

_ “Don’t joke about that!” Kun scolded him, but his expression quickly changed to a soft expression. “I couldn't live without you too.” He side hugged Yuta and like that they walked back to the car. _

  
  
  


“Hey! Yuta!!” Yuta snapped out of his thoughts and found Taeyong shaking his shoulders, behind him stood Taeil looking at them with a bit of worry. “Damn, where did you go?” Taeyong joked, “I was just going to say, me and Taeil are going to take a bathroom break.”

 

Yuta nodded and his friends walked away, he had no idea when Taeil got here but he could care less.

 

“I so told you, do not let yourself drown.” Sicheng’s voice came from Yuta’s right, he turned and his gaze met Sicheng’s. 

 

“I am not.” Yuta said as he placed money on the counter again, “Tell them I had to leave because of a personal matter.” With that, he walked away.

 

“It is raining heavily! Don't you want an umbrella?” Sicheng yelled after him but all Yuta did was wave him off, he heard a scoff behind him just before he opened the door and stepped into the rain. Sicheng was right, it’s raining cats and dogs, but as Yuta already said he doesn't care about it.

 

People ran passed him or walked passed him with their umbrella held above their head. He let the rain soak his clothes and hair, he wished it could wash the pain away that he felt in his chest. The moon shone as bright as the weeks before that, he walked passed a playground, he saw somebody trying to get a child of the playthings to go home. He laughed at the sight, but a yell of his name cut him off.

 

“Yuta!!” The child yelled as they went off the slide and ran over to where he was standing, the boy who was with the child sighed and walked after him, when they got closer Yuta recognized them as 7-year-old Chenle with his brother of 18 Renjun. He smiled weakly when the tiny boy hugged his waist, Renjun put the umbrella over both of them the rain clattering onto the fabric. 

 

“Hey, buddy.” Yuta hugged him back, the smiley boy pulled back and looked at Yuta curiously.

 

“When is Kun coming back?” Chenle looked at Renjun who looked up from his phone with curious eyes watching every movement of Yuta.

 

Yuta swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, he kneeled down to Chenle’s level. “He is in China, with, uh, visiting some friends for a while.” Yuta answered Chenle’s question, “I don't know when he’ll come back, because one of his friends is going through a tough time.”

 

“Oh.” Chenle’s shoulders slumped and Renjun went back to scrolling on his phone, “I hope he comes back soon! I miss him during daycare.” Chenle smiled and then let go of Yuta's hand he had been holding, he ran the opposite direction of where Yuta was facing. Renjun turned around to follow as Yuta stood up, his gaze fixed onto Yuta.

 

“Are you okay?” Renjun croaked out, he placed his hand on Yuta's shoulder.

 

“I’ll be fine.”

 

With that Renjun chased after Chenle, leaving Yuta standing in the pouring rain. Running his hand through his soaking wet hair he continued the path he was walking. Not that much later he arrived home, a car he was familiar with, stood in the driveway. He hurried and put the keys in the lock of the door, twisting it open and bursting through the door.

 

“Kun?!” Yuta threw off his coat as he kicked the door shut with his right foot. A familiar song filled his ears, he smiled while walking into the living room, where he saw Kun standing in the doorway of the study, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

 

“Hey, baby.” He whispered, “I’m home.” He opened his arms but instead of a hug position, they were in a dancing position. Yuta smiled and ran into Kun’s arms, taking Kun’s left hand in his right one and placing his left hand on Kun’s shoulder.

 

Just as always they began dancing to the slow song that was playing, during the dancing Yuta noticed the luggage that stood in the corner of the study, next to the box he left standing there after finding Kun’s favorite shirt. The slow song sped up more and more and they were twirling more and faster. Again as always, they ended with dancing through the living room, the moonlight shining through the windows, lighting up the dark room. 

 

It was perfect, for the first time in a while Yuta felt happy, to be dancing with his lover again. But something felt strange, the way his feet moved or rather the feeling in his feet, it was different than it normally would feel. He looked at Kun confused, he looked back with concern, their dancing slowed down.

 

“What’s wrong?

 

“Nothing.” Yuta answered way too quickly, they got to a part of the hallway they had entered, where one ray of moonlight broke through the small window above the door to the garden. Yuta’s gaze went over Kun, he was glowing. “W-Why are you glowing?” 

 

Yuta stopped dancing, causing them to stay in the ray of moonlight, Yuta slightly could see the wall behind Kun. “Why? Why can I-” The wall began to look clearer, especially the pictures that hung on the wall, “Why can I see through you?”

 

Yuta took a step back but he still held onto Kun’s hand, which was slowly fading away, “Accept the truth, Yuta.” It was the last thing Yuta heard ringing through his ears as his hand fell next to his side and Kun had completely vanished from his sight.

 

Without hesitation he ran to the study, stumbling through the living room and opening the closed door that led to the study. The curtains were slightly open and moonlight lit up the place dimly, he looked at the corner where the luggage first stood, now only the box was there. When he turned around to leave his body tensed, the music that he heard when he came into the house had stopped, he could only hear his heavy breathing and nothing else.

 

“No…” Yuta ran to the front door as quickly as he could, throwing it open and looking at nothing but the house across the street, no car in the driveway. “No, no, no!” Yuta broke down once he closed the door, he slid down onto the ground, pulling his knees to his chest and letting his tears fall down his cheeks. He heard his ringtone echoing through the house which only made him cry more. 

 

_ ‘Well, I won’t give up on us. Even if the skies get rough.’ _

 

Yuta covered his ears, not wanting to hear the lyrics of the song, he doesn’t know why he kept it as his ringtone.

 

_ ‘I’m giving you all my love.’ _

 

He could hear Kun singing it in his head, it didn’t help. At all. He began rocking back and forth, breathing getting quicker by the second.

 

_ ‘I’m still looking up.’ _

 

“NO!” Yuta screamed at the top of his lungs, his limbs falling numb at his side, he banged his head against the door while throwing it backwards, sweat trickled down his forehead mixing with his tears underneath his chin. His chest rising and falling slowly, his phone went off again, his eyes snapped open.

 

He scrambled up, his whole body feeling heavy as he dragged himself to the living room. On the couch laid his phone, he hurried to grab it letting himself fall on the couch in the process. Taeyong was calling him, Yuta sighed as he pressed the red phone in the left corner of his screen. He proceeded to turn his phone off and that is the last thing he could remember doing before his eyes fluttered shut and the same thing he imagined before was put on replay in his mind.

  
  
  


The next morning he found himself walking onto a terrain, tiny rocks crushing underneath his army boots, the light breeze tickling the skin that was exposed because of his ripped denim jeans, he was playing with the ends of his purple sleeves nervously. He went into the shop before he went to his actual destination, the bell chimed once he opened the door, it made him flinch.

 

“Hello! What can I do for you?” The florist tried to sound happy, but they knew that this wasn’t really a place where people felt happy.

 

“A bouquet of lilies, please.” Yuta told them which flowers he wanted, the florist put a bouquet of white lilies together and told him the price. He handed them the money and put his wallet back in his back pocket, he took the flowers out of the florist’s hand.

 

“Thank you.” His voice couldn’t get louder than a whisper, he looked down at his shoes when he walked away.

 

“I like your shirt!” The florist said quickly before Yuta could open the door and get out, he turned his body so that he could look at them again, they were leaning over the counter with a small smile playing on their lips. They straightened up and pointed at the right side of their chest, “I like the small zeppelin.”

 

“T-Thank you.” Yuta stuttered before he quickly opened the door and walked out of the little shop. His cheeks a flushed pink from embarrassment, his strides were long as he wanted to get there quickly. He walked a path he had always dreaded to walk, he clutched the bouquet of lilies tighter in his right hand, the all too familiar lump coming back in his throat.

 

At a certain point he stopped in his tracks, he swallowed the lump in his throat and felt his hands shake. His eyes began to tear up as he turned towards the one thing he feared the most of seeing. With no control over his body he fell down on his knees, he winced at the impact, he placed the flowers in front of him.

 

“I need to tell you something.” Yuta took a deep breath before he continued, tears already streaming down his face, “You know how we always danced through the house?” He questioned, with no response he moved on, “I still dance through our house…” Yuta trailed off his voice failing him as he put his head down and cried for what felt like the thousandth time this week. Tear droplets falling onto his hands that rested upon his exposed knees.

 

He looked at the stone in front of him, the stone that had haunted him in his dreams or rather called nightmares or even better life. That stone on which the name of his soulmate, his lover, his best friend and the best person he could ever gain in his life was written on.

 

_ Kun. _

 

With shaking hands Yuta grabbed his wallet again, he took out the ring he once bought but never presented. He put it around one of the stems of a lilie, “I-I need to tell you something.”

 

Yuta inhaled again, “I miss you and I love you, I wanted to ask you to marry me-” He cut himself off when a sob escaped his lips, “I was too afraid to ask and now I am t-too late.”

 

He closed his eyes as he tilted his head upward when he opened them he was met by a bright blue sky with a single airplane crossing his view.

 

“My feet don’t dance like they did with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SORRY IF YOU GOT TO THIS PART. 
> 
> I got inspired by ghost of you from 5sos, so this fic is based on the lyrics of that song. Again I'm sorry that this doesn't have a happy ending but this was the best way I could write it, fear not I cried and had my heart broken many times while writing it.
> 
> If you have any questions or you want to talk to me you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/blue_fullsun) and on [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/johnnyluvr420)
> 
>  
> 
> I apologize again :(


End file.
